"A Journey With My Unspoken Battles"
My poster is all about a person who struggles to open up to others and express herself whilst also struggling to keep up with the environment with students who are naturally smart. Ever since I was a kid, the environment I grew up in was joyful and lively, but not an environment wherein I could open up about my problems.
At first, my parents have always assured me that there was no need for me to earn the “with honors” title, but seeing their faces from the achievements of my brothers made me want to prove to them that I can do that too. This is one of the main reasons why I struggle to tell other people about my feelings; I am usually the person who listens to their rants. After gaining my first “with honors” title during 1st grade, I wanted to push my limits and try to maintain it each year. By this time, it wasn’t just proving to my parents that I could bag that award anymore; it was something deeper. I knew that I was sort of challenging my potential, but I didn’t mind it.
But then the pandemic hit. It was difficult for me to adjust to the new policies of online and modular classes, and the chances for cheating grew. During the pandemic, I faced many challenges; I was told that online classes were better than face-to-face classes, and I somewhat agreed to it, but there was only one thing inside my head at that time, which was if I could still be able to bag that award. I prayed and prayed every day to let God know that I wanted to obtain that award once again.
The pandemic greatly affected my mental health; there were times my family had fights, and the pressure from schoolwork combined together. Then things went back to normal again. In grade 8, the first face-to-face classes happened after the pandemic. I wasn’t able to adjust to how face-to-face classes worked anymore; I was told it would still be the same. I was distracted by the urge to be free and also had a short time for romance. Since it was my first time socializing again after years of being stuck in a pandemic, I struggled really badly with expressing myself.
I decided to put others first before me because I wanted to be a person who they can open up to anytime. After I finished grade 8, I wasn’t part of the honors list because of the pressure; I cried, I was disappointed in myself, and I kept asking myself, why? Why didn’t I make the honors list? I lost my motivation to strive in the academic field. That was when I realized that this was my karma for crossing my limits; I overpressured myself, so I made a new promise now that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
Looking back at it now in a bigger picture, the so-called “truth” that digital learning is better than face-to-face classes is actually just opinions, because now through the reflection of my struggles and adjustments, I stand by the fact that face-to-face classes are much more efficient for learners like me. This taught me that what we believe in is mostly influenced by opinions rather than the truths we stand by.
This experience has taught me to see the world through a bigger picture, just like the lyrics from the song of the K-pop Demon Hunter Series “Free”: “What if we heal what’s broken? (Free, free).”
This lyric embodies that if we can heal what broke us, we can be free. Relating this to my experience, I found that pushing myself over my limits, being unable to express myself, and facing the truth that I can’t just push myself to impress my parents is what broke me. But healing from these wounds can help me become free from what is holding me back. I believe that my weaknesses can become my strengths, as those are my weaknesses—I know that I can turn those can’ts into cans; this can help me grow as a person.
.png "\"A JOURNEY WITH MY UNSPOKEN BATTLES\" BY CARIN, TONI MARGARET D.")
