"IT WAS ONLY IN MY HEAD" BY BARICUATRO, SABINA KERSTIN B.
There are moments where I would volunteer or participate in class, and afterward, I replay my words in my head over and over. Did I sound stupid? Did I make it awkward? Are they judging me? Even if no one reacts negatively, there are always doubts in the back of my head nagging me. I feel embarrassed about things no one else probably noticed.
This happens a lot—overthinking simple conversations, overanalyzing facial expressions, or assuming people don’t like me just because they didn’t smile that day. I wish I could be lying but it is exhausting stressing over a trivial insecurity. I’m constantly bothering my friends—questioning them if I was embarrassing or weird by being myself and what they thought other people thought of me. And what’s worse is that I truly believed my thoughts were always accurate. I thought I could “sense” what others were thinking of me. I was convinced people saw me the same way I saw myself: not enough.
But one day, a friend told me something that stuck with me. After I apologized for “being weird” in a conversation, they just laughed and said, “You always think people care more than they do.”
At first, I was offended—embarrassed, even. But then I realized: they weren’t making fun of me—they were telling me the truth. Most of the time, people around aren’t judging me at all. They’re busy thinking about their own lives, just like I am. All the painful things I assumed they thought… were really just in my head.
That was my partial perspective—seeing the world through the lens of my insecurity. I filtered reality through fear and self-criticism. But when I stepped back and looked at things more clearly, from a holistic perspective, I realized that the people around me don’t think of me the way I think of myself. Many of them even admire things I never noticed—that I listen, that I try, that I care.
This was also when I started to understand the difference between truth and opinion. I believed my overthinking was based on facts. But the truth is, most of it was just my inner voice being overly harsh and anxious. That voice didn’t tell the full story.
Learning to transcend this mindset wasn’t easy. As I write this and remember self-proclaimed embarrassing moments, I still question what other people thought of me during those moments. I still struggle with it, honestly. But now, I pause and ask myself—Is this real, or am I just assuming? I try to breathe and let go. I remind myself that I am not my worst thoughts.
This journey has taught me to give myself grace. I’ve learned that most people are more forgiving and less focused on me than I think. And even if I do make mistakes or come off awkward sometimes, it doesn’t mean I’m less worthy.
Philosophy taught me that life becomes more meaningful when we challenge assumptions, reflect on our beliefs, and seek a deeper understanding of ourselves. For me, this meant quieting the voice that says, “You’re too much.” or “You’re not enough,” and replacing it with a gentler truth. “You’re human—and that’s enough.”