"HIGHSCHOOL TRANSCENDENCE" BY RESTAURO, MARY SHACHAEAH GAIL M.

 

"Highschool Transcendence"

I am a student who only had three years of Junior Highschool. When I was younger, I always looked up to the students wearing black pants, instead of brown. Students who wore orange scarves, instead of yellow. In my childhood days, I always thought that my older sister was so grown up, doing her studying alone, compared to me having to go to tutorials after school. When I was in the fifth grade, I thought, “Only one more year, and I’ll finally be able to graduate and become a highschooler!”. Boy, was I wrong. Instead, the pandemic hit and blew off all the possibilities of life outside of home. For almost three years, I was left to enjoy my last year of elementary school without even remembering a thing. In my first year of highschool- I felt numb, and I refused to process that the moment I’ve been waiting for all my life, would be spent in front of a computer, rather than experiencing something new– rather than being an ‘ate’ to the younger generation.

This disappointment took its toll on me, as I immediately viewed my life negatively. I hated the world for how it was, how it took something from me, I hated my new classmates and teachers, because I just saw them as just another part of my ‘imprisoned’ life. Everyday I hopped into that Google Meet, I would remember how it was for my older sister– when she always had friends over, as they would work on projects together, eat pancit canton, learn instruments from their Mapeh classes, and sleep at school for their Girlscout showdown. I felt the most unexplainable sense of envy, anger, and sadness during this time.

Because of this, my feelings began to reflect on how I spent my first year being miserable. I didn’t listen in class, always did my work to the last minute, and every inconvenience- such as brownouts, rains affecting signals, and times when I had to participate seemed like the worst ‘punishments’ that piled onto my negative feelings.

Despite this, I didn’t feel totally miserable, I made friends, had my family around me, and still lived a comfortable life within my home. My friends and I would hop on a Discord call and do our homework together, and play games until my mother made me turn my laptop off. As I recall that time, I realize that games were probably what made me the happiest, and was what stopped me from going utterly insane, stuck in that house. And as the school year went on, my feelings began to fade, and I started to realize my love for school again. I continued my classes, almost becoming an honor student, except for one subject giving me a grade of 79 in a report card averaging 90s. That almost made me miserable again.

On the good side, face-to-face classes were starting again! And I was the most excited kid there. I thought, “I am seriously going to take back everything that I wasn’t able to do last school year, and I'm gonna make this year the best!”. Boy was I wrong again. I sat in that coliseum with my online friend group and we had a blast. In the classroom, I finally got to know the people from my Google Meet, and I met my amazing and sweetest adviser, who I could tell cared deeply for my classmates and I. But overtime, school started to school again, and tasks began to pile up. But despite this, I pushed on. During events such as teacher’s day, I went to school bright and early at the hour of: 4am. The night before, my classmates and I were planning to make this grand design for my teacher, and I was so excited, wanting to have as much time as possible to do it, that I couldn’t wait and luckily the guard let me in. I was even surprised, as my boy scout classmates were already there for morning formations, and helped me only a little. But as the hours ticked on, it was already 7am and there were barely anyone who helped me put up the decorations, even when they were already in the classroom. I looked around the other sections and saw student’s parents arrive with their grander decorations, and how it was the adult’s decorations compared to one kid’s decorations. This was one of the earliest letdowns of my second year. 

Another experience came when I heard about a bulletin board competition per class in my grade; I was so excited, that I wasted no time gathering my classmates and planning a design, showing them inspo pics, and planning materials. Though, it was obvious that they themselves didn’t really care much for such event. I was disappointed, but I didn’t let it stop me, planning a design, and gathering the materials by myself. When a subject teacher gave us the entire period to make it, one classmate asked me what to do and I accidentally let out an outburst, because I had seen how none of them had cared about it, and only did when our teacher asked about our progress. Needless to say, we didn’t win that competition either.

During English days, a competition for an ‘Infomercial’ per class opened up, and like the bulletin board competition, all classes had to participate. I knew what was going to happen, but I maintained a positive mindset. The good thing was, we were able to choose our group members, so I was able to group up with some responsible people. I then again felt a wave of excitement, and we were able to gather ideas quite well. We practiced after dismissal, but most of those were spent quarrelling and trying to finalize our performance. Good thing that one of us was able to make a detailed script, so we could finally focus and grasp how our performance would be like. And when the day of elimination came around, we miraculously got to participate for finalists! Out of the three groups remaining, we only came third, but I was content, and loved the entire experience of speaking in the auditorium in front of several people like that. During our english class, our teacher, Ms. Seville asked me how I felt because she said she saw how much I really cared about that competition. Her words struck me like a thunderbolt, and I was hit with a wave of emotion upon finding out that someone actually saw me for my efforts. I told the class about how despite being in third place, I learned a lot from the experience, and hope that one day, I could join another competition again and place higher.

Over time, I noticed my friendships begin to change too. My online friends became friends with our other classmates, and got involved in issues such as using phones, wearing makeup, bullying and such. I thought that this must be how kids bond nowadays. I thought that if I had some juicy stories, I would be able to tell it to a group of classmates, and they would like me, as that is what I saw. Despite my efforts, it was as if my classmates truly were just people who weren’t worth my time. I became a loner, in a room filled with people with colorful violation cards.

And finally came the end of the school year, which was when the girl scout showdown would occur. Sadly, I was already burnt out from the school year’s events, but was no longer academically burdened. And if the theme isn’t obvious, another event came up. A cooking competition, which was integrated with my troop’s dinner for that night. My troop consisted of more than forty girl scouts, which I had an hour to cook for, with just a campfire. To put it lightly, my leader was stressed, as the entire school year which was given to us to plan for this showdown was unproductive. I, as the only scout who felt any wave of hope stepped in to do all the work for a competition which is supposed to compose of at least 5 girlscouts. I brought the firewood, ingredients, cooking utensils, and everything out of my own mother’s expense. As I boiled the water, it took quite a long time, as I didn’t have any experience to know that a campfire takes forever to boil water. My leader was even more stressed, and I was able to finally cook the noodles. When we came to strain the water, we were already in such a time cramp, that we didn’t strain all of the water out. The food ended up too watery and bland. I came home, opening my phone just to see messages calling the food ‘prison food’, and other teases, including from the boys, who weren’t even allowed to be on campus for that event– they were simply going with the others. This was the last straw for me and I cried for what seemed like hours until my mother saw me and made me write an entire message, calling out their wrongdoings. I was even hesitant at first, as I thought, ‘I don’t even have much friends now, if I send this, then I really will be the loner of the century’. Though, thanks to my adviser, she made my classmates apologize. And because of this experience, I finally was able to rest, knowing I no longer had any academic pressure, and no more extracurricular events coming up.

These two first years of high school was a rollercoaster ride for me. I experienced downs, but also highs. And despite everything that I went through, I was able to spend my summer talking about my experiences and laughing them off. In my junior year, I was completely healed, and had a better set of classmates, and a lot more new friends whom I was actually able to bond with.

       From seeing everything negatively, and as another piece of my horrible life, I was able to find and discover things that meant something to me– things that I actually felt passionate about, and was willing to work for to achieve it. Even after going through one of the most draining experiences of my life, I was able to understand and realize that no matter how difficult a situation may be, no matter how all the odds are against me, there will always be something good waiting for me in the end. I realized the importance of seeing the bigger picture— to always seek for the positive side, and challenge the challenges of life. I realized from my experiences that whatever life throws at me, I know that I am strong, and I know that I have the fire within me to fight- even when it seems that as if I am the only one who will. I am a person capable of everything, and I realized my purpose as the one who fights, even when alone.