"OPENED LIGHT" BY CHU, REXIE ROJAN M.

"Opened Light"

“How can I move forward when I’m stuck in my stagnation?”. Humans are capable of thinking, making decisions, forming judgments and criticism towards ourselves and others. We can all be drowned by our own thoughts, and also by darkness. It takes time to reflect and understand things when you crumble into pieces. You feel like you can’t move forward, unable to do the things you wish to do, all your thoughts are piled up, unsure of where to begin. It’s like living in your unorganized world, it may seem difficult to interpret, even by your own limited understanding. But these questions popped up in my mind — will it really be like this forever? Will there be an end to this? 

 There was once a time that I was competing for something that could also affect my grades; I was thriving, and I sacrificed my blood, sweat, and tears. I was yearning for success— not just for me, but also for my class. However, some instances made me realize that I was viewing and treating the competition negatively. My behavior was toxic, and both sides of the story were suffering. For me, it was not a friendly competition; I was covered in my negative thoughts to the point that I only cared for myself and let others down. I lost my circle of friends, my self-esteem— I lost everything that made me happy- to say in an unexaggerated manner. But those behaviors and feelings always have an end. I gave myself the time to reflect, and I apologized for my bad habits and behaviors. I did not let my pride take over me, and in the end, we all reunited with peace. 

That specific experience taught me that we all have limitations within ourselves— experiences that ruin us if we go beyond our limitations. Barriers that make it toxic for our physical, emotional, and mental capacity. I realized that I have the strength to let go of the negative things that crumbles me and the wisdom that is above me– helping me to become a better person. It proved that I could make a difference by viewing the others people’s point of view, and not letting the bad traits eat me up, just because I want to win. At that moment, I truly felt like it was not just my body acting, or my mind thinking, but my heart and soul were fully alive. I realized that we have the capacity to choose, to sacrifice, to love, and to understand life. I thank God because I know I chose what is right. 

That time was the moment that I limited myself from grasping others' perceptions of me. I only thought of the success of my class without realizing the negative feelings of others. It is so unfair knowing that we all worked hard for the performance, yet fought in toxicity. My understanding of the situation changed when I tried to analyze and reflect; the old, toxic, and negative me was erased from my thoughts, and  was instead replaced by the selfless, caring, and positive me that arose. Looking back at that situation, I realize how much I let my own opinions and ambitions blind me to the truth of what was going on around me. I was so focused on winning the competition, that I didn't consider how my words and actions affected those around me. I truly believed my determination and strong opinions were just part of being a good competitor, but in reality, I was pushing people away. Only after noticing that people started giving me space and becoming distant did I begin to question my actions.

When you feel stuck in your own stagnation, it’s important to remember that growth comes through reflection, humility, and the willingness to change. Acknowledging your mistakes and how your actions impact others opens the door to healing and reconnection. By choosing to let go of pride, embracing empathy, and seeking to understand different perspectives, you create space for new strength and clarity to emerge. Though the path may be difficult, moving forward is always possible when you balance both your mind and heart, allowing yourself to learn, forgive, and grow beyond past struggles.